SITTING HERE ALONE...

i started to think of how lucky i am for having what i have. I have the most amazing husband, that loves me and is always there for me, we have had our ups and downs in our 4 years of marriage, like any other marriage. I was thinking that we are going on our 4Th year anniversary and we have only been together for 22 months, sad, i know. and the saddest part is that by the time he comes back it will be 5 years and still 22 months!!! yes 22 months out of 60 months.
i have loved and enjoyed every moment of it, he is my world and my best friend, i would not know what to do without him. he is my rock and my home. i would be lost without him.

then there is my kids, that keep me busy all day, between diapers and bottles i keep busy, but trust me when i say that they are the reason I'm still standing. if i didn't have them and David gone, i think i would be so depressed. they are my heart, and a pain in my butt but i love them to death and would do anything for them. they are so smart and beautiful and they can win you with a smile.

Then there is our families, in both sides. Mom, she is the kindness women i know, and she loves her children more then you guys can even imagine. she always has an answer and help your whatever problem you bring to her. Dad, well dad is the man you can come to if you are in a bit of problems, he will lecture you and tell you why you are in trouble and then he will help you, he only wants the best for his kids and their families, he worries for everyone and loves each and every one of them. he is very funny and one thing i have learned from him is bargain shop, looking at ads in the grocery paper and dint spend it all in one place. I' m very grateful to have him in my life.
then there is the rest of the Winegar/Frias/Kinneys/Winegars, they all are very good to my kids and me, they are always worried for us and care. send our kids gifts and call as often as they can. so for that i love them very much.

my mother is always worried for us, she thinks i cant survive without David, and in part she is right, i don't know how i do it without him. she is always telling me to take care and to be strong. and she should know, she raise my 4 sisters and me, worked all her life to give us what we have and what we are, she is my rock and example. i love her so much and I'm sad i don't have her closer to tell her everyday. My dad passes away in 2006 and the only regret i have is not being able to say goodbye to him. i will Carrie that with me every day of my life.

Then there is the rest of the Afres/Magana/Del moral/Olmos clan that are helping me constantly,always calling me and making sure i don't get lonely and sad. they Cheer me up and help me with the kids. i love them dearly and appreciate all the do for me.

then there is my friends, the ones that i don't have close by but they are there for me, i have made friends along our journey and let me tell you that they are amazing people. When family is not close to you then friends help fill that emptiness. i have been very lucky finding the best friends a women can get, so thank you.

then there is ME..... what can i say about me, well people always tell me" you are so strong, and i don't know how you do it" and in reality i don't know how i do it either,at the end of my day I'm alone and in bed with no one to talk and no one to hug. i think that's the part that i dread most about my days. that's why if you ever call me in the middle of the night i will probably answer, i cant sleep, i cant think stray, I'm always watching the phone and afraid that i will miss a call. i run errands and go to the park and the first thing i do when enter our home is check for messages, how sad is that. i can be brave and strong when i need to be and i can be really good at putting a front and telling people "I'm great, and yeah everything is fine" or "its OK time will go fast" but its not true, I'm not OK, who can be OK when their husband is off to war and your left behind. And no time doesn't go fast, time seems to go by so slow when he is gone. No one knows the pain i felt the day i saw David get on that plain and waive good bye from the top of the stairs, i could hardly breath of how hard i was crying on the outside of our car, because our kids where in the inside, and i didn't want them to see. i had to clean my face and put a happy face, which is what i pretty much do everyday. so people please when i say I'm ok some times i will not mean it but don't question it, i can cry in the spot and i hate it.

so that's me and my toughts, as i said i cant sleep, so love you all.